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The Cuban

The Niko droid towers over us in the tunnel, hunching to not scrape against the ceiling I dug with my bare hands beneath the Rongo river. The droid’s twin cannons whir, molecules charging, preparing to blast us into the infinite ends of emptiness. To my right, sitting down against the wall with a book in … Continue reading The Cuban →

Smalloughby Uncategorized Leave a comment March 24, 2010 15 Minutes

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$7000000000000 %...* 2 years from now 2nd master of disguise 3 cosmonauts 3 monkeys and a red leather suitcase 6.53318624 x 10 to the power of 77 12 week victory foot salute 15 minute bathroom break 28 episodes what the fuck just happened? 45-50 niko computers 100 questions 909 mhz 1000 snowballs 2502 310509 a back garden in athens abandoned semi-truck loading dock in the middle of a forest a blizzard of birds a burmese magic spell a choice a couple of right plums a crudely drawn cartoon in an inflatable journal that nobody will ever read action A DISASTER a doughnut pillow a family picnic a fuckload of words a game a guy who knows a guy a hole in the ground a letter to warchalking alfonso kolinsky alfred Algaebrew all's well that ends well all great films have a switch alligator pit all of this for a bag of fucking cassettes all things quixodelic Allyup! ALOOF! alternative catalogue poses after a hard day's daydreaming alternative take on a battle speech AMAZING a meelion dollars Anchors Aweigh and come on again and life was good and other stuff Android David Bowies and some guy called Bill andy murray andy warhol reincarnated shat from woolly mammoth's bumhole an epiphany an even weirder scene an ice rink in the stars an introduction to an introduction an old friend another close encounter with universal constants Antarctic Base anti-clockwork anti doomsday death ray machine an unexpected visitor... or two a pickle a plague of ham sandwiches a pointless fire engine a quixodelic cassette label army jacket asdfghjk A serious scrench in the works a stall of monkeys from the clouds a swaying thumb a terrible mistake a trunk of instruments at the strip club author's note Baba Yaga style back from the dead back to reality bag fairy Baldy man bang bang BANG handkerchiefs Batch 679 bats and dust and bones battered old brown boots Becky beginning/ending/beginning behind bars again behind the door of washroom no 2 behind you! being dragged backwards through a pumpkin patch by sasquatch bell beyond serenity beyond the reaches of my flimsy brain big fuck-off black space boots Big Trouble in Little China bird shit bjork's on the phone black fox black paint bland little businessman blorange blue goblin body-bags bowling ball skull brain blender breadfruit Breaking the bank on nefarious schemes bright white bones bring a life jacket buckley's flyin bullet train brain bunkroom 1 bunkroom 4 burglarly buzzard bye bye bobby call the coastguard Cap-Center Foods cartoonitis cassettes catharsis and ghosts Champio channel 909 cheesy Chocolate Christopher Nolan circulio heart CLANG click click clinometer cllct cllct cllct cllct cllct cllct cluthcing a manuscript Code Name: Tiger Meat coincidence? collaboration collective recording project Colloidal ZIM colonel strongman come on come on come on complex design and construction concerning cults contagious continuation of a flapjack theme countenances counter measures! count your limbs covert mode enabled crater crazy old crackhead crone 1996 cuckoo cute brunette danger danger lycra suit alert! dangerously emotional drunks daydream gasoline daydream generation 7 daydream generation 8 ddndkd dear bob dylan death of a beloved film projector death of the wheelies death ray with moon capabilities decoded messages dennis destruction of enemies diamonds dinner-in-a-cube dinosaur song djhfo ooo dodgy costumes (no pockets) dodgy sales pitch doesn't that look suspiciously like an alternative angle in the War Room? Dog Food do it for woodly! don't answer the phone Do you like Country music? I like Country music. Dr. Simon Piler's Lair Dr. Simon Piler signing out dream mansions Drugs Dr Umsand Fire to the resc duct tape karma dud match economics elaborate aztec patterns emergency meeting empty threats escape from cage with snot everyone has their demons explosion explosions Exxon f**king amazing but itchy face first into the world of Willoughby Toad faceless riflemen falling asleep at the wheel falling on your face fan mail faux lynching fetus carried to term fifty by fifty metres film synopsis Fin and Sean are getting married it June yay! fin mccann First Court of the Solar Corona fish skins Fish Wife flapjacks flume Found trash/treasure four hands free beds free download free rum and song from henchmen to cultists from time to time fucked fuck giant iceberg fucking apostrophes fuck me fudge gangrenous dingle gangster crab gang wars gassius clay ghosts on the rooftop ghost ukulele Gianperlo Gallo giant beech giant hot tub giant orange hand gin fiend ginger glitch girl in the sea Glesgae Kiss going bananas golden boots? what a coincidence! golden moon ticket goodbye military jacket and Russian hat goodbyes goodies and baddies goo goo g'joob Gopher GORILLA GORILLA Graham green gum and laughter green shirts... lost me blue pants in a jam-related incident Gremu Publishing Grfkrkik guided tour of the mardi haha these are are out of synch hamish and carla ham sandwich hand-written hannah manana happy hunting harry fucking potter haunted helmet helep Hello Hello? Sunshine HELP he made me do it Henrik Larsson the butler he speaks hey hilary and harrison rip Hmmmmm hold onto your hats holes honey pie I don't think so hoooooooooo! horses hooves How to be a better spook how to sell your soul how we arrived at this hubba-bubba hypnomoose Hypnotist Phone i'll show him counter measures! I've been thinking I AM BUCKLEEEEEEY! I am suspicious I can'r believe it's not Crandley! if it's good enough for Lord of the Rings then it's good enough for us if you answered mostly c igloo I hardly ever cry I love you imaginary space bus imagine! imagining I mean sunshine indie fart inflatable journal inside the volcano insomnia interview with The Edge introducing Porf involuntary arm motions I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness starving hysterical naked island soup is this really happening it's amazing what they can do with computers these days it's fucking freezing it's just me! it's nearly three o'clock it's raining vegetables! it doesn't say anything about it being a WHOLE ham sandwich it was christmas eve babe It was under the ice shelf silly jazz monk's damp crusty towel Jazz Monk RIP Jim becomes Tim jimmy the rat jjjggh h i John Lennon sang john ludington is a musical genius jugglers K2 KABOOM keep left kerouac ghost kerouacian glyphs key barf kickball football soccer GOAL kids go free kill or be killed knees not included lands in a mulberry bush last night in a cloud coffin Late-Night Film Projector Series Let's Start A Country like a rolling stone like Columbo on LSD like lord of the flies like something that happened to someone else linguistic trip ups little white people live gigs in a basement on a ship lllllrp locating areas via translucent unit-potential sphere module lockbox of the brain lots of screaming and too much dialogue lots of sizzling love at first sight Lumereti Hemhockle Madame Datura magnesium streamer making the next cut man in black matador hands merry shipmas metal hands mfffi ooo o9 Microsoft Office miles away milk mirror image firing missing journal monday monkey marriage monkey tongue monster twins moon-mission moon crumbs more bird shit more black ops involving a goat more on this as and when more tundra is not an option morning mortal monkey brain Moses and Dolly mother Mr. Oncus murrrderrr music mysterious training video mystic arrows my wife says nacking each other to death najount namu super mysterious disco whale natty headgear near field wave generator Nebular Frog Calls nineteen digits nitroglycerin nobody's home non-Vulcanist noon no reply normally I wouldn't do this but north pacific gyre not-Elvis not a poet be not as sinister as it seems nothing's really real nothing is green not me not necessarily dead not the captain after all nowhere is green nuggets Number 2's number two number two's number two nun collision oh no not again! oh shit! oh that's just fucking brilliant oh the fool OM generator omnipresent sensation one-headed boy for fucks sake one way ticket OOM orphans other shit out of place and time paranoia Peanutbutter Tree if it even exists pelicom pendulum pepeprotr dplkCE pepperland post petrochemicals Pfff...ttt pirate! pirate! plan plan B plum island v the utica flower company plum necklace political prisoners! poor pelican possibly the longest day of my life prank calls premonitions press conference Ptolemy pumpkin glitterball purposefulness quarterly check quixodelica quixodelic box-set quixodelic cassetttes quixodelic logos quixodelic orchestra quixodelic records rainbow gem real waffles recollection of a football match Recollections of a catastrophic trip to the moon (and back) red bird red cape red plastic football red with pale blue stripes reproductive organs RESCUE! resume normal security level status return of the invisible wallpaper Return of the pumpkin face Richard Starkey Robocop robowars rongivia cable tv Rongovia rongovian revolutionary orphans rubber suits leather aprons rulebook snowflakes rums up running mid-air above gaping chasms Saint George the Apocalypto Lightning Bolt-Shooting Sam's a robot! sam durkin on the front line Scarytoes scurvy seats that double up as toilets self-tattoo seriously I'm being serious setting up the board seven million billion american dollars shaman shhhhh shit! it's the fuzz! short pool of motor oils Sir Matthew the Mighty Champion of Science six minutes and seventy nine seconds skull mask chaffing slices of pizza small fleet of flying cars small rusty screw Smally Smally's in jail smally's pregnant smells like chicken smells like sour ice cream smoke em if you got em smoking weed in the park snappy sneezing powder #112 snowflakes some kind of universal clusterfuck of ultimate doom something's wrong soups special happy ray of a serious magnitude St. George the Apocalypto stapled to a dr seuss dinghy steven spielberg storm 's a-brewin' strangeness generator stratigraphic record Subaru BRAT Sundial Assassins super-powers superglue super helmet sweaty pink hot pants sweet as a nut Sweet bureaucracy sweet pea talking of stew team america team america team fifeclub Telephone Man tell your friends temporarily pickled ten thousand years of digging testing testing one two testing that's no supersaurus that big egg better watch out the 66th attempt to save the the Mard the Universe and everything in it the aesthetics of a christmas tree The Altruists the Arctic Antarctic question the art of forgetting the black angel the brightest of eyes the chief is wasted the children of monsters the chrome toaster the city of the sewer saints the continuing story of a giant circular saw the day after sunday the day the earth stood still The demise of Chase the disorientation of dreaming inside a dream the east face THE END the end of the line the end of the road the finest actor in the universe The Fish Wife the frozen fat man the glass ceiling the gongs The Great Unravelling Mystery the guy with the sunflower sunglasses the hand the hat of the cat from the cat in the hat the hedge the imaginary man the imaginary ones the inevitable flaw in the plan the infinity cells the invisible box-set the invisible girl the king of nightmares the list the magic mirror booms the map the missing journal entry the mother of all hangovers The Murphy Hermitage the Murphys the mysterious fox the nowehere plug the oracle's gobsmacked jaw The other side of the Court the pied piper the Pitch5k fascist the president of Rongovia there I fucking said it there is no machine the rongovian revolution the same applies to saxophone playing monkeys the sensation that someone or something is following us the sky mural the small matter of a flag the things the truth about willoughby the tundra issue the unimagined man the Unimerse machine the volcano erupts the wayfarer the wheelies the white (christmas) album the white lion the winner is they'll be okay they built a triangle the z this is it THONK! thornapple three banana three old farts t h s e cool metal hands thud thumbtacks time travellin tiny clogs titsh titty milk totally schizo total randomness to tell their friends translucent unit-potential sphere module transmission 1 trapped in a Bob Dylan song tra smissio 2 tundra junky twenty seconds of forever twenty stories high twice bitten two tunnels in the earth two voices U2 ultimate frisbee Ultra-villiany um what is this wacky shit? unfazed UN officials uppity mortal! use for laser eye Vagina vindaloo Volcano volcano lair now secure volcano layer? Volleyball W waaaaaaaaaaaah! waffles! wait a second walking away in opposite directions ward 679 we've all got demons we are sailing we can work it out well wouldn't you like to know whackbat what's the chances of that happening what's the worst that can happen? whatever happened to the old german fart? what would Willoughby do? where am i sleeping white lion Who did this?!? who needs enemies when you've got friends like that why the fuck would I eat a pickled spider's leg? why would anyone bring a celtic scarf on a mission like this? winged squirrel Wists! wuyi wuzel noodles yellow flag yet more convoluted and incomplete meanderings in a desperate effort to recap elaborate on what the fuck is actually going on in this story you are born you live and then you die your friends y^^ zugzwang moustrap |||||||

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