Sick Bay

Sick Bay better

The Sick Bay is currently full to capacity

T H E (Kinda) Sweet Metal Leg

20 thoughts on “Sick Bay


    The Sick Bay is unusually empty. No Flash, no Jonny, no Scarytoes, and no Bobby.

    The medicine cupboard is ransacked… we are out of drugs. On the floor is an old red stain. Crouches and rubs at it with a forefinger. Tastes……. like strawberry jam.

    How peculiar.

  2. I have refilled one of the cupboards. There are many jars with labels like “Magnesium” and “Sulphur” – they look like they’ve been stolen from a uni chem lab. Inside the jars are not raw chemicals, but rather an endless range of different dried mushrooms and plants. Some of them have been scribbled on with felt tip, with things like “CURE FOR APATHY” and “EXTREME FLAVOUR” and “BOTTLED UNCONSCIOUS” but the rest are a mystery. Some of them look suspiciously psychedelic.

      1. Instead of a cigarette before bed, I thought I’d amble down here and try one of the jars. Hmm, this one looks interesting… it’s blue and unlabelled.

        [unscrews lid, and sniffs the transparent gloopy contents]

        Smells like hair gel.

        [Tastes contents]

        Shit! [spitting] Tastes like hair gel as well!


        How do I even know that?


        Nope, nothing happening yet.



        I’m thinking about cigarettes again. Actually cigars. Giant cuban cigars singing “Smoke me! Smally! Smoke me!”

        Oh wait!


        Nope, false alarm. I thought I saw a cartoon dragonfly going backwards out of the room. I’ll try another tomorrow, this one appears to simply be hair gel.

        [Screws lid back on jar and exits]

        1. No adverse side effects from last night’s dabblings, so I think I’ll be testing out the sparkly lemony yellow one with what appears to be wood-shavings tonight.

          Actually this is infinitely more interesting than smoking, though it perhaps doesn’t quite scratch the itch like a good lungful of grime does.

  3. *note peculiar phenomena

    according to this I gave up giving up smoking an hour before I proposed sampling another jar

    has someone been fucking with the time machine again?

  4. It might’ve been a jar of future time, so you ate it in the future and then carried on deciding to smoke in the present?

    1. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

    1. Don’t worry, Scarytoes is quite the remarkable and kindly individual, no matter how scary he looks. Besides, he’s one of the very few mythological figures I’ve ever encountered in my short time being alive… I think the best description I’ve ever mustered was from my journal, on July 9th, after he got cut by the industrial laser in Storage:

      “That leaves Scarytoes, quite injured, but lacking an unoccupied sick-bay hammock. We’ve sewn him up… …and he’s looking quite pale and greenish. His 1950’s undershirt and cigarette pack are drooping under metaphysical stress. His lack-of-eyes are dim and disoriented. His mask hurts.”

      He’s from Texas. The hill country.
      And he’s the mastermind behind that song ‘Bars’. In fact, that’s his voice at the beginning. He’s got magical powers. (Despite what The Yataris say – ‘There’s no such thing as powers’, I am forced to disbelieve them.) He’s capable of: bending in several unusual ways, checking tire pressures with his thumb, shrinking/expanding well beyond his normal size, speaking fluent Jamaican patois, teleporting via closets, and he doesn’t feel pain. His blood is blackish green. He’s got no eyes, but he can see, somehow. (This is as decent a topic of study as I can imagine, but I haven’t the time right now…) He can eat oranges in the sun.

      Oh, wait, I guess most of us can do that.

      1. This isn’t a bad description, either…

        “The results were disastrous, and now Scarytoes also has a large, blooming gash across his shoulder. It’s a good thing his skin is so malleable, stretchy, sallow, lugubrious, spasmodic, knobby, stagnant, coarse, and low-floating. We will plant flowers inside of it and see what occurs.”

        1. He still sounds really scary! But that’s ok, he’s probably just misunderstood. My parents live in Texas, maybe I’ll see him at Christmas.

  5. Now that I’m here to film the amputation before retiring to the closet, I forget that I am VERY squeamish. This may come as a surprise to you all considering some of the things I have witnessed on this trip. I… oh fuck, what are you doing with that hacksaw… is that even sterile? I… what’s that grinding sound… oh man I think I’m going to f…

  6. …art. So I just nipped out into the corridor there.

    But… OH FUCK! THAT’S HIS LEG! And…


    [clonk, collapses in a heap]

    [looking up squinting through one eye – obviously]

    Could someone just drag me to the closet in Bunkroom 2 and deposit me there please? Thanks a million.

    [passes out again]

      1. I just watched back at the footage, too. Rather amazing with Def Mute smiling and waving at the camera during the operation. He’s been very cheery lately. Hmmm…

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