Filing Cabinet

Just a big hollow
brushed-metal cabinet.

We’re working on moving all old documents, papers,
pamphlets, poems, booklets, maps, encryption printouts, data archives,
photographs, notebooks, recipes, scrolls, tomes, leaflets, sticker-books,
and all other 2-D archival material to this location.

(Heyo, you. Please bear with us whilst we sort through all this stuff. But in the meantime feel free to search the cabinet to find a good frond of reading material or something to ponder or laugh about. Some of it is quite fascinating, as you may notice upon browsing… )

‘Harold Archaleus’ Pocket Guide to the Species of The Unimerse 2010′
(Harold Archaleus)
‘Seven Parasitic Flowers of The Outer Reaches’ (Nubak Tumtiaal)
‘The Silvery Tome of Vast Light Eternal’ (no Author listed, very old handwritten book)
‘Causation Is My Middle Name’ (Ernie C. Haidekel)
Box of Slides (assorted, mostly terrestrial from the ’70s)
Two Cardboard boxes filled with old computer punchcards; assorted data (lunar conductivity measurements, bolite volume and density, age distributions of Taurakanian Ookbat reproductive onset, old trajectory reports from the Mardi. In addition to these useful data there are a few highly worn-out antique smut punchcards mixed in with the rest…)
Film projector reels: Doom Cruise, Film Projector Series #1 (Desolate Location, skein slightly charred), #2 (GLEEM), and #3 (Anchors Aweigh).
Frog call identification tapes
‘The Giving Tree’ (Shel Silverstein)
Map of unknown cratered landscape, possibly a quadrangle on Knese Minor? (unknown projection, though a scale bar is included.)

‘Complete History of the Pheriden Battlestorm, New-Epoch Larval Cloud, and Solarii Code of Antiquity’ (Skar Abek Farant Ulek Kyon, Subtle Bannerlord of The Imperial Academy)
An old Stickerbook with a bunch of World Cup ’86 stickers in it.
‘Impossible Languages For You!’ (2nd ed. Mary Prattle. A maniacally highlighted copy.)
‘Crime and Punishment’ (Fyodor Dostoevsky)
‘Xxaxar, You Are So Dumb…’ (Muktow. Grongling children’s comic-strip series; 7100+ daily strips; equivalent to 5 years of publication on Grong. **Note: Almost every one is grossly brutal and devoid of all but the crudest of artistic merits… though this may also be the stylistic intention of the artist, we are uncertain.)
Phone books: Two; Seattle Metropolitan Area (USA) and Aberdeen (Scotland, United Kingdom).
A poster depicting techniques for stretching the muscles of the (human) body.
‘Three Lunar Visages’ (Dyvad Lakhcteb)
‘Guide to Animal Life of The Universe; First Glimpses’ (Transillusory Guides, 1987)

A box of photographs containing pictures of:
[knuckles, poofy dogs, cardinal hot pads, an unidentified infant lying on a blanket behind a barn, celery, an ancient computer, pork rinds, asphalt/storm sewers, bright lights, Ella Fitzgerald singing, three malnourished Turks with their arms crossed, a laughing mustached man with shockingly thick spectacles, a saddle, an unidentified coastline (photographed from the water), three bulky coins of different constituent metals, an out of focus picture of people at a party, close up of box representing selenium on the periodic table of the elements, a spoon covered in pollen, a broken fan, a crying racecar driver, a woman with inventive spring-shoes, blue vertical bars, a meerschaum pipe, a lion yawning, and one sepia-tone photograph with scrawled handwriting depicting, as written, ‘the sad dogs’.]

‘The Cheery Guide to Churquarkal Cooking’ (Mqik Joolik. Aster Robinson, translator.)
A curious metallic sliding puzzle depicting scarabs.
Another depicting several different animals (two spiders, an antelope, a dog, a mouse, two vultures, and a resting cow).
Complete descriptive computer printouts of Invention Series A – Q. (Simon Piler and The Atom Band)
‘The Exquisite Encyclopedia of Things’
‘See Historical Murfreesboro’ (Tourist pamphlet, published by Murfreesboro, Tennessee, Chamber of Commerce.)
‘Dialations and Plane Tonics For Temporary Metaphysical Inversion’ (Hartyulk Modf, M.D.)
‘Earthling Grammar: It Are Foundless Also Unintelligent What Are These Reasons?’ (Soot Seryeti Tolbin, Grand Enclave of Mind)
A scroll inked in some unidentified Runic language.
Solar Wind charts (some solar currents have been charted by hand)
‘A Summary of Known Magnetic Disturbances’ (A vacuum-mariner’s handbook published by the Z-75 Galactic Transport, Travel and Material Translocation Committee)
‘Flightseeing Around Uranus’ (An intergalactic tourist’s guide, published by the Z-87 Galactic Transport, Travel and Material Translocation Committee)
Lots of old scrawled notes stuffed in an old-fashioned leather pocket folder.
Two or Three Pulp Fiction Novels
Important delegate-supported cat snak tax commercials (2, 30 minute VHS compilations)

‘garden.’ (A short musical play by Simon Piler)

‘A DISASTER’ (A short musical play by Simon Piler)

A few (somewhat over-literary) papers on Bespibahanian author and famous member of court-society, Prendak Tupdar:
Absence as Peoples: Troubling Paralogical Violence in Prendak Tupdar’s ‘The Illustrious Twelve’
‘The Illustrious Twelve’: Contesting Emergent Borders By Dodecahedral Capitulation
Breath and Seduction in ‘The Procedural Fashions of Avigon’: Prendak Tupdar’s Colluding Random Vision
Prendak Tupdar, ‘The Procedural Fashions of Avigon’, and The Invader
An actual copy of ‘The Illustrious Twelve’. (Prendak Tupdar)

‘The Helping Friendly Book’ (Icculus. Leather binding with a tarnished silver clasp.)
Two notebooks filled with only the number 461,041.
The journals of Dr. Simon Piler; ‘Byron’, ‘Blue’, ‘Eadem Mutata Resurgo’, and ‘Lung’.
‘Harmonics’ (Claudius Ptolemaeus)
A 20 x 20 centimeter engraving of the oracular statement of Hary and Bary, superimposed over M1.

‘Moons of Z-15’ (Larry Mulkat)


First batch cataloged.


10 thoughts on “Filing Cabinet

    1. Alright, just so long as you don’t chew up any of these documents.
      Actually, I guess you could chew on the pulp novels. But please don’t read them – I’m not sure what a large dosage of bad prose could do to a little fellow (with a small systemic volume) like yourself!

      1. It’s okay, Buckley caught the Daydream Underground out of here this morning for a few weeks R&R, so the documents are safe. Makes me wish we still had that Hot-Tub though, I can just see myself kicking back reading the ‘Xxaxar, You Are So Dumb…’ comic strips.

        Reminds me… since we had that little run-in with the PRIKS, I’d ask that we try and avoid Fung-Ku’ing to and from the Universe/Unimerse for the foreseeable future (at least until the heat dies down). The Underground is still fully operational and as far as I’m aware stops at just about every man-hole or trap door imaginable on Earth. Also the Thing has kindly set up shop in the corridor outside Bunkroom 4 to make sure that we know who is getting on and off. We’ll probably need passes of some kind. I’ll see what I can do with the leftover animal stickers. Fuck knows about a time-table though.

        That reminds me, anyone know how the Fishbus is coming along?

        + I really need to get everyone together in the next week or so for a team-building exorcise.

  1. pssst


    It’s me, Buckley.

    I’m not dead. I’m going to hide in the filing cabinet for a while. If that’s okay by you.

    Don’t tell ANYONE I’m here.


    What’s happening?

  2. Well, Def Mute and I have been installing new heads in the showers; water efficient and capable of distributing vitamins directly through the cutaneous membrane. It also has a programmable series of colored lights that shine through the fog.

    Also, somebody made a giant green bean occur in the Galley. It wasn’t me.


      What’s all this about us being in the Sports Hall playing golf, and yet here we are talking about the new shower heads? And aren’t you meant to be hanging out at Hemhockle’s house Simon?

      I smell something fishy. And it’s not that watermelon gruel.

      I’ll investigate and report back.

      If anyone asks… [waves paws in front of face]… you didn’t see me.

  3. That’s why my skin has a furtive and glossy sheen! I initially suspected the watermelon gruel, mostly because it tasted so bad it had to be good for me.

    Two mysteries solved in two days! Excellent work everyone!

  4. Observation No1: The Hall is locked but people are screaming inside.

    Observation No2: There is NO giant green bean in the Galley, just Roberta and a couple of interns trying to put Squeakchirp back together.

    Observation No3: I’m starting to get REALLY scared.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s