Pocket Guide to the Species of the Unimerse


Revised addition of “Harold Archaleus’ Pocket Guide to the Species of the Unimerse” (c) 2010

(Amendments and annotations courtesy of the digital ghost of Willoughby Toad, 2017)

THE GREYS

Planet: Unknown

The Greys are an ancient mysterious race of pioneering space explorers who have been making contact with, and introducing technology to, the various lifeforms of the Unimerse for several thousand years. The Greys facilitated the first Intergalactic High Council where representatives of sentient planets would meet to make important decisions. Contrary to popular misconception, The Greys are slightly more green than grey, though they do conform to all stereotypical depictions of aliens. Their average height is 4-5ft. They have large black eyes, small mouths, elongated fingers, and are capable of telepathic communication. You know the ones I mean. You may even know someone who has bought the t-shirt. Their origins are unknown, and their complete disappearance in the days leading up to the Unimerse Cup final of 2010 remains one of the Unimerse’s greatest unsolved mysteries. 

The Greys are also famous for the creation of the Unimerse Cup tournament after discovering football on planet Earth in 1947. The idea of some kind of sport or event to unite the various species of the Unimerse had been mooted for decades. Bespibahanian theatrics, Pankalhoovian eye-gouging, Phaetonic Yongle-ing,  and Solariian naked mud-wrestling had all been trialed to lukewarm reception (and in some cases even greater aggravations). The concept of an Intergalactic High Council forming around the results of the competition was not introduced until 1975 – the winning side nominating a member of their species to chair the High Council, deputy-chair/chancellor the runner-up, with losing semi-finalists and quarter-finalists filling the remaining six council seats. The importance of the competition was magnified further by the construction of the trophy itself, made from the rarest of diamonds from the destroyed planet Lurmagung. The diamonds are believed to give anyone who touches them “instantaneous enlightenment and a knowledge of everything”, so mind-blowing that enlightened beings invariably vanish into thin air upon lifting the trophy. The trophy is guarded by the last three surviving Grintakh Zorl and is only lifted once every four years by a nominated member of the winning side (traditionally either the team captain or coach) before being taken back into safekeeping by its guardians. After early controversies (the expulsion of the Pankalhoo in 1967 for cheating, and the cup of 1971 that was abandoned completely after four of the quarter-finalists withdrew with safety concerns), the political consequences of misbehaviour means the Unimerse Cup is now the most eagerly anticipated, most civilised, and most watched competition across the Unimerse, lasting for four weeks during the summer of every fourth year.

EARTHLINGS

Planet: Earth

Earthlings are a humanoid species discovered by the Greys only as recently as 1947. Earth is located to the south-west of the Unimerse on the periphery of the Geng region, and remains classified as a tourist no-go area by the Intergalactic High Council. A relatively young species and inventors of football, representatives on Earth collude to keep the knowledge of extraterrestrial lifeforms away from its citizens and even rulers of its constituent countries from fear of mass-panic among its people. Frequently a violent civilisation with a diverse and unstable climate, Earthlings have varying skin colours and are bipedal with an average height of 5-6ft.

ZISABO

Planet: Unknown

Zisabo is one of several cloners believed to have originated from the easternmost region of the Unimerse, a galaxy called Gheshos. Clones are invariably volatile the older they get, many of them occupying individual planets and moons throughout Gheshos, claiming and populating these with cloned versions of themselves. Ao-Ping Prime and its cloner Zisabo is most well-known Cloner civilisation. At the time of writing this, there are an estimated 679,000 Zisabos of varying ages residing on Ao-Ping Prime. At full age (80) he is 3.5ft tall, with pale blue skin, a pot-belly, and long pointy ears.

VOENESE

Planet: Voen

“The Veth” are a warrior people from the unforgiving ice planet of Voen situated due south of the centre of the Unimerse. Due to its harsh climate, Voen is home to only two species, the Vethurak and Vothurak. These two unique species live in harmony and are collectively known elsewhere in the Unimerse as “Voenese”. The Vethurak are the dominant species, predominantly humanoid and female, averaging 6ft with pale skin and blonde-white hair, fearsome in battle, and prone to acts of violence. The Vothurak are powerful white bear-like creatures with simian faces, capable of walking on two feet, but more often inclined to wear saddles and carry their Vethurak leaders. A war-faring people, there are still many Voenese colonies dotted throughout the Unimerse, a legacy of intergalactic raids one thousand years ago. On Earth, for example, we call Voenese ancestors “Vikings” or “Swedish”.

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ARACHNIDS

Planet: Truugarask

Arachnids are part-humanoid, part-spider creatures from the planet Truugarask in the north-eastern region of Slostam. Garaskians are known informally throughout the Unimerse as ‘Arachnids’. These creatures can range from 8 to 12ft, are intelligent, cunning, and mostly solitary individuals who will even attack their own kind for personal gain. They frequently known to leave their home planet in search of power and wealth. A web-coated craggy planet of volcanic glass, Truugarask is still officially listed as a no-go planet by the Intergalactic High Council, but in recent years, energy prospectors and mining corporations have made tentative inroads setting up their businesses there.

EBAXXONITES

Planet: Ebaxxon

Ebaxxonites are an ancient alien race located on the planet Ebaxxon to the immediate east of the centre of the Unimerse. Thousands of years ago, the Ebaxxonites were among the most prosperous of all civilised species thanks to their love of machinery and technology. Responsible for the design of many modern spaceships, they were also at the forefront of bionic engineering, augmenting their bodies to increase their physical capablities. During their great age of prosperity, Ebaxxonites began exploring and mining neighbouring planets and moons in search of precious minerals and materials. Much of this mining work was carried out by specially constructed free-thinking mining robots. The robots eventually turned on their Ebaxxonite creators and a great war of independence lasted 679 years, decimating the Ebaxxonite empire. The Machines were victorious, and in recent years the tables were turned, with many Ebaxxonites working for the robots in neighbouring galaxies. Meanwhile, Ebaxxon hasbeen slowly returning to a semblance of its old industrious self. Ebaxxonites are pigmentless with the exception of their completely bright red bulbous eyes, averaging 5ft, with slender builds. This sarcastic and somewhat bitter civilisation continue to depend on and develop bionic devices, in particular helmets that are wired into their brains to boost reflexes, memory.

BESPIBAHANIANS

Planet: Bespibah

Universally recognised as the “Entertainment capital of the Unimerse”, Bespibah is one of several outlying planets to the north of the mid-west region. Its most famous export is the “Besipahanian Travelling Circus”, which has been touring and thrilling the Unimerse for the last seven centuries. Bespibahanians gravitate towards theatre and the arts, especially music and dance, viewing the ability to entertain and give pleasure as the highest virtue – as such, the largely urbanised planet of Bespibah is a popular tourist resort. Natives of the planet are born into two castes based on physical attributes, both considered equals within Bespibahanian society. One caste are extremely tall and gangly, ranging anywhere from 8ft to 10ft, the other caste is small and robust, ranging from 3ft to 5ft. Both are bright orange with luminous blue hair that they fashion into bizarre hairstyles. Neither caste have noses (and thus no sense of smell). The life expectancy of a Bespibahanian is anywhere between 300 and 400 years. Bespibah is also famous for its 15 moons (all used for tourist parking with Bespibahanian shuttles running to and from the planet surface 24/7,) and the infamous travelling folk singer Waynaldam Song who destroyed the Akong Supernova by accident.

KRAILLIAN

Planet: Kraill

Originating from the small planet Kraill in the south-west of the Unimerse, Kraillians are regarded as some of the most intelligent beings to have ever existed. At a maximum of 4ft tall with giant fleshy heads, large circular black eyes atop small stumpy bodies, and massive lips, they are reminiscent of an unborn humanoid embryo. Kraillians are frumpy, cold-natured, and obsessive cataloguers of phenomena and history. The Kunkusean Library on Kraill is accepted throughout the constellations as the epicentre of information pertaining to the history of the Unimerse. It is rare to find Kraillians away from their native planet unless on research missions.

BANTL

Planet: Elon IV

Bantl are a nomadic civilisation located in a large galaxy of planets and moons called Elon. Even before The Greys discovered them, they were migrating between the planets in their region using herds of Oolonic Dragons, another native of the constellation, capable of flying in space. Bantl are a tough and durable race, hostile to outsiders. Their philosophy is to exhaust a planet or moon’s resources, mining precious materials, culling animals, and picking crops before moving on. Many Bantl can be found elsewhere in the Unimerse working as peripatetic traders and several of the more cosmopolitan planets feature giant Bantl marketplaces. For the last seventy years their homeland has been the jungle and swamp infested planet of Elon IV. The average height  of a fully grown Bantl is anywhere between 5ft and 5.5ft, they are sturdy, with coarse jet black skin, bulbous warts and long hair that they wear up in knots.

MUUHEEHOO

Planet: Ir’Han

One of two twin planets in the north-west of the Unimerse, I’Han is home to the Muuheehoo, an ancient civilisation who were among the first to record contact with The Greys. Found in other galaxies as an animal called ‘ape’ or ‘monkey’, Muuheehoo differ from their simian cousins by their advanced intelligence, language, and strict codes of morality. Dubbed ‘The gentlemen of the cosmos’, Ir’Han is a modernised planet with industrialised capitals and virtually no trace of crime. Memories of the 500-Year Hair War (ended over a century ago) with neighbouring planet Ur’Han and its inhabitants, the Pankalhoo, are rapidly fading into the history books.

XURON

Planet: Xanagoa

One of the last discovered races, some fifty years ago, from the planet Xanagoa in the southernmost regions of the Unimerse, little is known about the Xuron. With no neighbouring planets or lifeforms in any nearby galaxy (the closest being Grong, approximately 35,000 light years away,) Xanagoa has remained relatively untouched by outside influences. The entire southern periphery of the Unimerse is to date, still largely unexplored and as such, is classified as a no-go zone by the Intergalactic High Council. Xuron do not welcome space tourists or traders. The little we do know of them, is that their planet is divided into various tribes or ‘schools’ that practise their own unique martial arts, the most famous being the once formidable Chokequ Femme Tumuchuk school who are celebrated for their acrobatic style of fighting, Landeane Hania Sheang’s all-girl School of the Secret Golden Boots, and the now defunct Sundial Assassins. Dressed in tightly-woven battle cloaks that cover everything but their eyes, their physical form is believed to resemble that of humans, but their skin is tiger-like (white with golden stripes).

GYPHERS

Planet: Gypher

Gypher is one of the most northern planets in the Unimerse with sentient lifeforms. With 95% of the planet’s surface beneath the ocean, the remaining 5% is a tree-less rolling continent of grassy hills, home to hundreds of species of small rodents and insects. At the top of the food chain are Gyphers, small grey-brown fur-balls who are incredibly fast and grow to about 1ft tall with bare feet and hands and razor-sharp teeth, living in burrows and vast underground tracts. Perhaps a distant cousin of the Haggis and the Sasquatch, biologists and sociologists continue to argue about whether Gyphers should be classed as a ‘civilised’ species. This is primarily to do with nobody being able to translate their grunts and growls, forcing them to reach the conclusion that even Gyphers do not understand what each other are saying.

XONI

Planet: Nianarok

One of the two oldest known planets and civilisations, Nianarok and its Xoni inhabitants are located to the immediate right of the centre of the Unimerse. Nianarok itself is a planet rich with resources – giant forests, several oceans, spectacular mountain ranges, and a vast array of wildlife. Despite its age, the Xoni people, who are dark-skinned humanoid cannibals, have remained savage, living off the land (and each other) and are very distrustful of technology. Fragmented across the continents into warring clans, several times over the course of history they have attempted to invade neighbouring planet Iliaus using short-range solar-powered spacecraft, but without success. For the best part of two thousand years Nianarok has been classified as a no-go planet for space tourists as per the Intergalactic High Council.

CHABRACQUANS

Planet: Taurakan

Taurakan is located at the outermost edge of a collection of galaxies in the mid-west of the Unimerse called Geng. Chabracquans are a vicious, meat-eating species and ever since they were provided with the technology for space travel by The Greys, they have been frequently sighted on neighbouring planets, flouting Intergalactic law and appearing in no-go zones. Taurakan itself is a planet covered in dense and ancient jungle, and although not restricted, it is recommended as a sightseeing destination for only the most foolhardy of adventurers. Chabracquans grow to 6ft tall at full height, but owing to their stooped nature of walking, they are often perceived to be much shorter. Their defining characteristics are two mouths, black orb eyes, a mane of red hair, yellow skin, bony spikes that run the length of their spine and thick muscular tails. They are believed to be responsible for nearly 90% of suspected abductions in the Unimerse – subjects are reportedly used for experiments on Taurakan and as delicacies in Chabracquan diets.

GRONGLINGS

Planet: Grong

The only known flourishing giant species left in the Unimerse. Previously there were estimated to be as many as twelve planets with giant lifeforms in various galaxies to the south of Elon, but over the centuries these seem to have vanished from existence. Historians believe that a great gathering of the giants took place on the planet Grong, in the years following their first contact with The Greys, explaining the differing skin colours, heights, and dialects of Gronglings that are still noticeable today. Adult Gronglings grow anywhere between 15 and 20ft tall – they are predominantly flesh coloured (although as mentioned it is not unusual to find pure white, green, or even purple Gronglings) with earthen hair colours. Considered by many as one of the dimmest (and dangerous)of all known species, they tend to live in caves and crudely erected wooden huts in the various mountainous regions of Grong.

KO-QICLINGS

Planet: Ko-Qic

At the opposite end of the spectrum from the Gronglings, Ko-Qiclings are the smallest of all known civilised species. This tiny red people, no bigger than half a centimetre tall, are from an isolated galaxy in the north-west of the Unimerse, living on a small desert planet called Ko-Qic. To protect themselves from ever-present raging winds, they frequently form pyramid structures made from a shiny red liquid substance called susso, that is obtained from a rare giant cactus only known to grow on Ko-Qic. Susso hardens in the sun and these structures are among some of the most spectacular sights in all the Unimerse. Ko-Qiclings will feed their whole life on this same nectar and have been known to live for upwards of two hundred years. An industrious and hard working people, as many as a million Ko-Qiclings can reside and work within one of these pyramids. With a telepathic bond to their fellow Ko-Qiclings, they are able to man and control 6ft suits of susso armour, using a series of minute mechanical controls and oars (takes about 1000 Ko-Qiclings located in arms, legs, head, torso etc.) – earning them the nickname ‘The Red Knights’.

TECRUSSCANS

Planet: Tecrussca

Tecrusscans are a collection of sentient plants and vegetables from the planet Tecrussca, located on the easternmost edge of the Unimerse. Discovered by The Greys only forty years ago, not much is known about their origins. Tecrusscans themselves do not consider themselves to be plants as such, owing to their ability to speak (a crude mixture of rustling, grunts, and whispers) and move (using foot-like roots and tendrils). Generally regarded as a non-violent species, Tecrusscans grow themselves consciously in a variety of colours and shapes, some with bulb-like faces, others who seem to be a complex form of roots. Owing to its diverse tropical climate and interest to botanists the Unimerse over, Tecrussca has become THE alternative destination spot for would-be space tourists in recent years, despite the long-haul space flight to get there (being some 200,000 light years beyond the closest civilised planets in the Akong galaxy).

CALINOSIANS

Planet: Calinos

Calinos is located 3000 light years to the north of the old Akong Supernova, at the most north-easterly point of the explored Unimerse. Calinosians are quite remarkable creatures, made from a translucent gelatinous substance that they are capable of morphing at will. It is thought that several million years ago, all Calinosians descended from one enormous globular form, and even to this day it is not uncommon to see families or communes of Calinosians returning to micro-globular forms of rolling translucent jelly. The preferred shape of an individual Calinosian is that of a 5.5ft tall translucent humanoid. The species is silent and use sign language when communicating with other species, but it is known that Calinosians communicate telepathically with each other. Calinos itself is a relatively advanced planet with developed infrastructure, though its muggy and perpetually rainy climate means that it does not feature highly on the list of ‘Places to see’ in the Unimerse.

SOLARII

Planet: Sol

The third of a triangle of galaxies at the hub of the Unimerse, located to the south-eastern point of this triangle, Sol is often referred to as ‘The Sunshine Planet’ due to its close proximity to the Pheriden Star. With baking temperatures and cloudless skies most of the year around, its native people, known as the Solarii have developed naturally forming shell armour. A proud, amiable and noble warrior people, full grown Solarii reach anywhere between 7 and 8.5ft in height, with tough bronze scaly skin. History of the Solarii is steeped in the legend of a great battle between four planets of the Pheriden galaxy some two thousand years ago which eventually saw the Solarii emerge victorious and remain as the sole sentient lifeform in Pheriden. Many historians speculate that the other three planets could have comprised of exiled giants from the south, as well as nomadic tribes of Bantl from nearby Elon.

RAH

Planet: Sh’Ackulll

Sh’Ackulll is one of first planets you will reach heading south-west from the centre of the Unimerse. The Rah (or Rahhh) are the ruling species of this harsh, rocky planet, living in various cave and chamber complexes. Believed to have been created by giant reptilian ancestors called Maganoc, Rah are skeletal humanoids, growing up to 6ft tall and living as old as 3000 in the unlikely event of them not being killed. Part-human, part-lizard, with thorny horns on their bony scalp, sharp teeth, and eyeballs set in their skull sockets, their internal organs are protected by soft bones within their torsos. Arguably the most vicious and treacherous of all known species, Sh’Ackulll has been in a constant state of civil war between rival families and individuals all seeking to become King of the Rah – a position symbolised by possession of the fabled ‘Staff of Rah’ (the thigh bone of a Maganoc).

KNESIANS

Planet: Knese Minor

Knese Minor is one of seven moons that rotate around each other, in turn orbiting the desolate planet of Theffah to the north-west of the centre of the Unimerse. Six of the moons are as desolate as the planet they orbit, but the seventh and second largest, Knese Minor, is populated by small creatures called Knesians, or ‘Bugs’. These bugs are about 3ft tall, lime green, with three eyes and antennae. They live in the plethora of craters that pockmark the yellow dust surface of the moon and are a mischievous, though industrious species. Knese Minor was the first of all the populated planets to be discovered by The Greys approximately three thousand years ago.

MOPHETHOA

Planet: Moph

Mophethoans are a brutal winged creature from the planet Moph located in the mid-west, north of Earth and Taurakan. Prior to The Greys officially discovering them, Mophethoans (or ‘Moth-men’) were sighted on several planets throughout the galaxies, though it is unclear how they got there. Generally appearing alone, a solitary Mophethoan can terrorise communities for weeks at a time for no apparent purpose, drinking the blood of cattle etc. Mophethoans are between 7 and 8ft tall, with dark scaly skin, black ragged wings, and horned skulls. Although Moph itself is a recommended no-go zone by the Intergalactic High Council, more adventurous backpackers have visited and reported back describing it as a very dark place, where the Mophethoans live in small groups inside large intricate gothic towers.

THE PHON

Planet: Phon

The planet Phon in the north-east of the Unimerse is unique for several reasons. Firstly it has four suns – A, Ow-A, Ch, and Yi – meaning that there is permanent daylight. More importantly though, it is home to The Phon, one of the most mysterious beings in the known cosmos. The reason The Phon are so mysterious is because they are invisible. Nobody has ever seen a Phon with the naked eye (although they were famously painted by the acclaimed Bespibahanian expressionist Blind Thiggy Zit nearly one hundred years ago, a painting which appeared in a collection called “The Man Who Had No Eyes”. The original painting has long since been lost, but a copy of it exists at the Kunkusean Library at Kraill). Phon are not particularly vocal, and if Blind Thiggy is to be believed, then they are 5.5ft tall with a humanoid form. They are generally considered to be a peaceful race.

SASQUATCH

Planet: Trakkhaw

One of the most outlying planets in the south-west of the Unimerse, Trakhaw consists of three vast continents completely covered in forest. Sasquatch are a friendly race, averaging up to 10ft in height, with big bare feet and a coat of coarse brown hair. One of the most primitive societies in the Unimerse, for two centuries, the physically robust Sasquatch were exploited by several of the more technologically advanced civilisations (Exbaxxonites, Rah, The Veth) who lured several thousand of them away from Trakhaw to work in mining and construction. After a fleet of Sasquatch bound for Sh’Ackulll went missing nearly fifty years ago, the exploitation and slavery of Sasquatch stopped and was latterly forbidden by the Intergalactic High Council. Trakhaw is increasingly less primitive with continuing contact with the rest of the Unimerse and is a popular tourist resort for space travellers of any age.

ROBOTS

Planet: Cylog

Cylog is an artificial planet constructed by Robots in the galaxy immediately north of Ebaxxon. As discussed previously, the Robot race were originally built by Ebaxxonites to aid with mining operations on nearby planets and moons. Not long after autonomous robots were constructed to build other robots, the great war between the two races erupted. While it raged, the Robots began to construct Cylog, a mechanical planetary home of awe-inspiring dimensions. Since their victory, the Robot race has flourished and Cylog is now an intricate series of smaller mechanised planets that orbit around the original construction. Deeply distrustful of outside interference, only pure robotic visitors are allowed to enter the Cylog territories. Relations with the rest of the Unimerse have not improved despite the amicable relationship the Robots have with The Greys, or the fact that a Robot representative (Encephalon 7) has chaired the Intergalactic High Council for the last 11 years.

CHURQUARKAL

Planet: Qellyboo

Qellyboo is translated simply as ‘Little Odd-Socked Paradise’. A medium-sized planet in the north of the Unimerse in a galaxy adjacent to Knese, Qellyboo is as breathtaking and colourful as its translation suggests it might be. With endless sandy beaches, sparkling oceans of rainbow colours, kaleidoscopic mountains ranges, and lush forests, it has been the most popular tourist resort of the last millenium. Its dominant species, the Churquarkal are as delightful as the land of their birth. As a species they are a zoo of shapes, colours, and sizes. Common traits include walking upright, brightly coloured skin, sense of humour, and clumsiness. Churquarkal are almost always amusing to look at – dyeing their hair a variety of colours, celebrating large bellies, bucked teeth, and unconventional biological idiosyncrasies as a sign of beauty.

ILIANS

Planet: Iliaus

Along with its twin planet Nianarok, Iliaus is one of the closest planets to the centre of the Unimerse. Its people are fair-skinned humanoids known as Ilians, although three thousand years ago they were as primitive and savage as their Xoni counterparts and were known as Heani (loosely translated as ‘bright eyes’). Both of these planets were discovered simultaneously by The Greys – at the time of discovery, one of several wars was taking place between Iliaus and Nianarok using short-range spacecraft. The two warring planets reached something of a stalemate about seventy years ago, but the relationship has been fraught ever since. Whereas the Xoni are still a backwards and savage society, Ilians have become the exemplary model of civilisation. Iliaus, the white planet, is a modern engineered utopia, presently under the watch of the royal family of Hemhockle, a noble dynasty of kings and queens stretching back nearly 1000 years. Its people are educated, skilled in combat and the arts, excelling at sport, technology, and construction. Definite tourist must-sees are the Ilho Stadium on Iliaus’ moon (recently recognised as the largest sporting arena in the Unimerse, and host venue for this year’s Unimerse Cup), and the Royal Palace at capital city Ilhelo, made entirely of white Vimmoqua diamonds.

WUZELS

Planet: Miyanean Slostam

Miyanean Slostam is a small planet on the eastern edge of the Akong Galaxy; one of the few that remained relatively untouched when the Akong Supernova exploded. It has a rich tapestry of life-forms, from insects to large mammals, living in diverse climates and landscapes, including swamps, jungles, great lakes, and blue grasslands. The dominant species are the Wuzels, a bright blue creature with a bulbous rubbery head, multiple eyes (seemingly randomly placed,) and anywhere between five and ten tentacles. They can grow up to 9ft in height. Wuzels are not particulary intelligent creatures, capable of living above and below water, congregating in small moving tribes that move with the Miyanean Slostam seasons.

PANKALHOO

Planet: Ur’Han

Twinned with neighbouring planet Ir’Han, Ur’Han is in the north-west of the Unimerse and were it not for its inhabitants you could be forgiven for thinking that the two were carbon copies of each other. Like Ir’Han, Ur’Han is also a technologically advanced civilisation with complex infrastructure and large urban cities, yet where the simian Muuheehoo are justifiably portrayed as the gentlemen of the Unimerse, their not-so-distant cousins are quite the opposite. Pankalhoo originally had the same ape-like appearance growing to a maximum of 5.5ft, but for centuries have taken to removing their hair so that they are completely bald (they see hair or fur as a symbol of primitiveness). Because of their hair issues, they have developed a refined, and vain approach to clothing, wearing designer, rather than functional attire. Pankalhoo fashion designers are subsequently celebrated throughout the Unimerse. This is one of the few positives about their species however, as they are widely regarded as being the most underhanded and devious of all known species. Cheating, lying, and gamesmanship are all considered great virtues by the Pankalhoo and the ability to ‘get one over’ on another individual is regarded as a sign of intelligence. 87% of bar brawls in 2006 were later attributed to the presence of a Pankalhoo.

THE OMICRON

Planet: Omicron

Omicron is planet supposedly located in the deepest desolate regions of the Unimerse’s south-east. Discovered only forty years ago by The Greys, its exact whereabouts have remained a closely guarded secret ever since, and as such, very little, if anything is known about it. The Omicron are nearly as mysterious as their origins – cloaked in dark capes, they are bipedal and grow to anywhere between 5ft and 6.5ft tall. Only the front of their faces are visible, the rest of their heads part-hidden by their hoods. Skin would would appear to be grey and cracked, with slitty yellow eyes, lizard-like noses, and mechanical breathing apparatus that covers their mouth. The Omicron are famed for their ability to manipulate and move through space at will (although there has been growing speculation over the years that in fact The Omicron are actually highly skilled illusionists – an assertion that they seem in no hurry to refute). Adopting a prayer-shaped pose, head down, they will simply disappear and reappear in another location instantaneously. Omicron are notoriously unfriendly, and are seldom, if ever, seen in the company of other species. It is believed (though again not proven) that unless they are killed, an individual Omicron will live forever.

PHAETONS

Planet: Phaeton

From an isolated galaxy in the south-east of the Unimerse, Phaeton is a large planet on the border of some of the most desolate reaches of space. Phaeton is a small and vividly colourful habitat, industrialised, but with vast tracts of unspoiled nature. Climate varies between hot cloudless summers and rainy seasons that account for half of the Phaetonian year each. Many people believe that Phaetons are a kind of fruit, but unlike Tecrusscans, they develop with fully functioning organs. The reason they are thought to be a fruit, is that they are born from a tree called Spectrima, native to Phaeton only. Spectrima grow to as tall as 1000ft and are a pulsing vision of colours. Phaetons grow (like fruit) on the branches, eventually detaching themselves when they are capable of walking and feeding themselves. Like the Spectrima, Phaetons are made of hundreds of thousands pulsing buds that look like miniature suction cups, these buds are malleable, and capable of being rearranged in terms of colour, shape, and texture. I can count on one hand the number of people who have claimed to have seen a Phaeton in his/her natural state (5.5ft tall, humanoid) after leaving the tree. These changelings, or mimickers, seem more comfortable adopting the exact form of whoever they are with at the time, sometimes sticking with an alternative copied form for many years. Generally, Phaetons are regarded as an unsociable, though harmless race.

MENO

Planet: Atlantus

The water people of the Unimerse. Atlantus is a large planet completely submerged under ocean in the north of the Unimerse, east of Qellyboo and the Han galaxy. Once upon a time it is thought that Atlantus was covered in ice and was home to an ancient race of snow lizards. Over the millennium, these lizards evolved to live and breathe underwater, developing into what we now know as Meno. Meno are a proud and amiable species, famed for their underwater architecture. Various shades of green and growing to 7ft, they are naturally incredible swimmers, but are also able to walk on their webbed feet. The invention of specially designed water-suits (a durable all-body costume with a lightweight malleable plastic helmet) nearly 500 years ago means that the Meno are now capable of travelling across the Unimerse. Likewise, Atlantus has proven to be a popular underwater holiday destination, especially for young families.

UZOIDOS

Planet: Uzoidos

The once great planet Uzoidos, located in the Akong galaxy is sadly now a dark, frozen wasteland, but the ruins of this once powerful species are still viewable for the more hardy sightseers with shuttles running from neighbouring Miyanean Slostam. Uzoidos in their natural form are born as something of a monster -10tall, black with tentacles, and ferocious jaws. Due to their unpleasant appearance, Uzoidos developed the capability of ‘splitting’ into twin forms as a way of integrating into other cultures, these in turn morphing to replicate the other species. It is unclear whether this is some kind of natural metamorphosis like Phaetons, or was genetically engineered by the Uzoidos themselves. Legends suggest that after the Akong Supernova was destroyed, without a sun that could sustain life, the Uzoidos migrated in their thousands across the Unimerse to a planet called Zaldeng, but this planet does not appear on any map and is believed to be a myth. Very occasionally solitary Uzoidos will appear on other planets, and there is documented evidence of them interbreeding with other species on rare occasions.

GRINTAKH ZORL

Planet: Lurmagung

Lurmagung was completely destroyed when the Akong Supernova exploded. A mountainous and thankfully underpopulated planet, it was home to a species called the Grintakh Zorl. Contrary to popular misconception, Grintakh Zorl are not made of rock, though you would be forgiven for thinking so. At nearly 20ft tall, these grey tusked monsters of the Unimerse are among the toughest of all known species, growing rock-like armour across their bodies. As the planet was slowly torn apart by a several decades of radioactive meteor showers, The Greys carried out a rescue mission, eventually saving only 3 of an estimated thousand Grintakh Zorls. These three – Humbaba, Horwook, and Gowok – have lived with and worked for The Greys ever since, most notably as guardians of the Unimerse Cup. It is estimated that a Grintakh Zorl can live for  a remarkable ten thousand years.

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